


just a number

by churkey



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Hale is a Softie, Future Fic, M/M, stiles makes his own choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churkey/pseuds/churkey
Summary: When Stiles was sixteen he fell in love with an amazing man.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 16
Kudos: 256





	just a number

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd and I probably should've edited this more than once. But, hey! I remembered to do a spell check this time.

Stiles stops.

He stops because Derek Hale is walking down the street in his direction.

He has a moment to hate the world just a little because Derek is improbably hotter than he was the last time Stiles saw him.

The last time he saw him was twelve or thirteen years ago.

Derek has grey hair in his beard. He’s also softer; physique not as cut as before. Stiles might even guess that he doesn’t have _abs_ anymore. The werewolf version of dad-bod.

It’s hilarious.

It’s the best he’s ever looked.

* * *

When Stiles was sixteen he fell in love with an amazing man.

Derek was an alpha werewolf and only three years older.

It was close to the end of the summer when they’d been searching for Erica and Boyd, that Stiles asked Derek out on a date. Just before the whole mess with the alpha pack and Derek sacrificing his spark.

Working closely with Derek had shown Stiles a side of the man he’d never seen before. Someone younger than they’d all assumed. They’d all expected him to be the adult when he was just another scared teen.

Derek had been flailing around, trying to do his best. Exactly like Stiles and Scott.

Stiles had seen just how deeply Derek cared about his betas, even when they’d willingly left. He just wanted to know if they were okay. Had seen how much Derek still cared about Scott, despite their differences and what Scott had done.

They’d reached an understanding. Stiles was loyal to an almost pathological degree. But so was Derek.

Stiles had been helpless in falling in love.

Not that he’d actually tried to stop himself.

* * *

He was standing with his back against a wall, sipping at the beer he’d been holding for two hours.

College was… an experience, he supposes.

Everyone back home had insisted that he go to college and have a ‘normal’ college experience.

But this wasn’t some zany teen movie where college was about parties and having the best years of your life.

Stiles was, unwillingly, living on campus. At a school only an hour’s drive from Beacon Hills. His plan had been to save money and just commute from his dad’s place but he’d insisted on the dorms. It was a compromise since his dad (and everyone else) had wanted him to go to a more prestigious school four hours away.

No one had been willing to listen to him.

The real reason he’d actually gone was because he wanted to get away from people unwilling to let him make his own choices.

A ‘normal’ college experience when you were struggling with PTSD? He hadn’t been approved for a single dorm but had been moved into one anyway. None of his roommates had been able to deal with his screaming nightmares.

How could you have a ‘normal’ college experience when you were away from anyone you trusted and, thus, couldn’t risk getting drunk? With all that Stiles had seen and experienced, he would _never_ be able to let down his guard enough to party like a college student.

Not to mention he had a job and needed to maintain his grades for his scholarship.

Thing about getting pulled into the supernatural was that it left a mark. From the moment Scott had been bitten, Stiles had been involved.

He had both literal and physical marks in the form of strange scars that grossed most people out. He had invisible, mental marks that gave him flashbacks and left him shaking.

But the supernatural also left a _metaphysical_ mark. Stiles didn’t know if it was a lingering scent of pack or the darkness in his heart from the nemeton or whatever else, but beings around campus _knew_ he was part of their world.

Could be the spark Deaton mentioned, since he also always recognized _them_.

Normal was something forever lost to him.

* * *

Stiles knew he’d jumped the gun on asking Derek out. But he really just wanted to _know_. If he had a shot or not.

Pining over Lydia had been easy because he’d known it would never happen.

He and Derek, though, had these charged _moments_ that felt full of promise. Like they could grow into something more. Something awesome.

But he was impatient and impulsive. So he asked Derek out. It’d gone something like this:

“Hey, Derek you want to go on a date with me?”

“No. You’re too young,” Derek had said, surprised.

“I’m old enough to risk my life in supernatural fights… And I don’t even want to jump into having sex right away. Just like to cuddle and hold your hand and get to know you better, for now,” Stiles said, he hoped that it was just the age of consent issue.

“You’ll still be too young when you’re eighteen. You still have college. You should be able to have a normal college experience,” Derek replied.

“Huh. It sounds like you do want to date me but won’t because you think I’m too young to know what I want out of life. Even if we aren’t together, I’m not going to go off to college and party and drink and get laid.”

“Maybe. But you definitely won’t if you’re tied down to me. And you deserve better, anyway,” Derek’s sad eyes were causing Stiles actual _pain_.

"Oh, no. I’m not doing this with you. You’re an awesome person. I couldn’t do better. But, fine. I’m not going to argue with you. While I think your reasons are bullshit because I know myself and what I want, all that matters is that you don’t want to. That you’re saying ‘no’. You don’t owe me an explanation. But I do want to make it clear: I make my own choices for my own reasons. Same as you. And here, now, you rejecting me is _your_ choice.

“Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to make this weird. I loved you yesterday and it was fine. I love you today and it’s cool. I’ll love you tomorrow and it’ll be no different from yesterday. I’m not going to push and I hope we can stay friends like we were.”

“You can’t…” Derek’s eyes were wide.

“Nope. We definitely aren’t doing that, either. I’m going to go before we get into an argument. I know my feelings. You don’t believe me? Think I’m too young to know? Fine. But I don’t need to hear about it from you. If you ever want to move forward, you’ll have to make the next move,” Stiles turned around and left.

* * *

He never actually thought Derek would return to Beacon Hills. Not after he took off with Braeden.

Then again, Stiles knows that no one thought he would _stay_. Not after he’d been pushed out of Scott’s pack.

Not when he still wasn’t a part of the pack and the pack itself abandoned Beacon Hills.

Even his dad had wanted him gone. Tried to do his best to convince him to leave.

Waking the nemeton had been his doing. Not solely, maybe, but he’d helped. So it was his responsibility to deal with the consequences. Sadly, he was the only one who felt that way (though, Allison gets a free pass on account of being dead).

He’d gone to college nearby and had helped Scott and the pack, despite it not being wanted.

If you could describe Stiles in one word it might be ‘loyal’. Even if it wasn’t wanted or warranted. Being good and doing the right thing wasn’t about recognition or even reciprocation.

It did suck, though, because he was _lonely_. Very, very lonely.

His dad had died of a heart attack a few years back, despite his best efforts to force a better lifestyle on him.

With the pack gone, he’d had trouble making new friends. He understood Derek in a way that he couldn’t before.

Opening up and letting new people in was… almost impossible when your life has been a horror show full of trauma.

Didn’t help that he never dated. Hell, he was still a _virgin_.

He’d fallen in love with Derek and he was still in love with him.

Thing about Stilinski men was that their love was true and steadfast.

He hadn’t loved Lydia. He knew that now. He hadn’t _known_ her. Had liked some imaginary ideal but not _her_.

He knew Derek. Not all of him. Maybe not even most. But he knew a lot of the important things.

Knew that Derek was loyal and stalwart. Was caring and willing to do anything to protect others. Knew that Derek was _good_.

He knew that he still hadn’t met a better person, just like he’d told Derek.

Stiles wasn’t bitter or angry, though. He didn’t regret loving Derek. Of course, he dreamed of what could have been. He wasn’t a fan of the longing and loneliness that were his constant companions.

But he had no regrets. He’d lived his life the way he wanted. Made his own choices.

He knew what a lot of the long time residents of Beacon Hills thought of him. Of his ‘wasted’ potential.

He might not be happy, but he woke up every day and could proudly look at himself in the mirror.

It was enough.

* * *

“Dude, I think you might need to take a few steps back from all of this,” Scott said. He had his ‘I’m the True Alpha’ serious face, so Stiles knew that this was going to be a shit show.

“I’m not going to stand back and watch you guys get hurt when I can help,” Stiles said.

“I know how stubborn you can be. So it’s for your own good that I’ll be excluding you from pack business.”

Yeah… this wasn’t good. Because Stiles could tell that Scott was serious and wasn’t going to bend. Problem with Scott was that he was pretty easy going, up to a point. He’d become a true alpha by the strength of his convictions.

Stiles’ tenacity and stubbornness were legendary. This was a case of that immovable rock and unstoppable force.

He decided not to argue, since it would only lead to anger and shouting but not change anything, especially not when Scott would get the rest of the pack on his side.

“Okay. I’m still going to help. I told you years ago that you’d always have me. And you do. Even I don’t have you,” Stiles left.

* * *

“Stiles.”

It had been so _long_ since Stiles had heard Derek’s smooth voice. It should be ridiculous that Derek just saying his name could cause him to feel such giddy joy but he’d never actually thought he’d see him again, “Derek. You’re here.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d still be here or not,” Derek hesitantly said.

“Someone has to look after this town. With Scott and the pack gone, it’s only me. Where else would I have gone? I never planned to live anywhere else. This is my home,” Stiles was smiling. A small, petty part of him thought that maybe he should be aloof. Should make it hard on Derek. But he was just too fucking happy to see him.

“I thought… You could’ve done anything. Been anything,” Derek’s eyebrows were doing his ‘I’m confused’ dance. Stiles had forgotten how adorable Derek could be.

“And this is what I wanted to do. Where I wanted to be. You knew that. Not that anyone listened back then. I knew what I wanted. I’m living the life I want,” Stiles shrugged. He was still smiling, “I never expected to see you again, though. What brings you to town?”

“You. I came here looking for you. It’s been years but you said that I’d have to make the next move… I hoped…” Stiles had never seen Derek so unsure.

Stiles waited. He’d grown up and finally learned patience. But it didn’t look like Derek was going to say more, “Dude, you haven’t made a move yet.”

Derek got the look he had when he was ready for shit to go down, “Will you go on a date with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask. That’s a ‘yes’, in case that isn’t clear,” Stiles was grinning wide.

“Just like that? You don’t have anyone else? After all this time, I thought that maybe… At the very least, that you’d make me work for it. That I’d have to earn your forgiveness.”

“Derek. There isn’t anything to forgive. You had every right to say no and to leave. But you should know me better. Move on? Someone else? I told you I loved you. That hasn’t changed. Maybe you thought I was too young for it to be real. Fine. Whatever. But you know me well enough to know that I’m loyal. If nothing else, you’ve got to know that much,” Stiles said.

“I do. But I didn’t expect you to wait,” Derek said.

“What? Who said anything about waiting? I never thought I’d see you again,” Stiles was confused.

“Oh. Good. Lucky for me, then, that you’re single now,” Derek looked relieved.

“I’m super confused. There’s never been anyone else, sourwolf. Only you. But I wasn’t waiting because I didn’t think I’d see you again. Not sure what that has to do with me loving you. My love doesn’t come with strings attached. Or expectations. I want you to be happy. If that meant you were out in the world doing whatever it was you’ve been doing, then awesome. If it means you coming back here and giving us a shot? I’m fucking thrilled. Being part of your happy would be the best thing ever,” Stiles was smiling gently because he wanted Derek to _understand_.

The smile Derek gave him was the brightest and warmest he’d ever seen from the man. It made the corner of his eyes crinkle and, wow, Derek really did look fucking _amazing_. The softer belly, smile lines, bright smile, and cosy sweater were _slaying_ him.

“I’m ready. It’s been years. But I’m ready. I want to make _you_ happy,” Derek was making literal heart eyes and Stiles didn’t actually know he could fall _more_ in love with him. But well, he was wrong. If this is the Derek he got to keep, the years of longing and loneliness were totally worth it.

“Well, you’re off to a good start. Now. What’s a guy got to do to get a hug around here?” Stiles stepped closer and opened his arms.

He was soon wrapped up in the best hug of his life. It’s funny because this was their first hug. They’d been friends… but not the sort of friends who hugged when Derek left. It was everything Stiles had always dreamed of. Derek was warm and solid. He smelled _amazing_. Stiles could feel tears in his eyes.

He hadn’t realized how much hope he’d lost. Living without regrets was nice and all, but it never would’ve made him happy. He hadn’t thought happiness was a realistic goal. Not anymore. Not with the choices he’d made.

He’d never regretted loving Derek.

But he’d never expected it to make him happy.

For once, Stiles was happy that he’d been wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all the teens who know their own minds out there. Worst thing about being a teen was all the condescending adults telling me how I'd change my mind about this and that.
> 
> (Like having kids.)
> 
> I haven't. 
> 
> Sure some things I've changed my mind about. But almost none of the truly important things.


End file.
